oh how i tried ;

2011-11-29T07:56:00.000-08:00

been thinking too much bout you of late.

in my dreams,in my thoughts.

i really hope that one day when both of us are ready for some kind of relationship,we will crossed paths again.

and by then,i hope that the emotions will flood your entire body.i hope every little inch of you would want to make a move. to give you a feel of how it was.many years back.

2011-10-15T10:07:00.000-07:00

those days where we would meet up and just catch up are gone.

tonight, i find myself torn between waking the boyfriend up to get him to do something with me other than sleep.

this suck.

life sucks.

2011-09-02T10:43:00.001-07:00

boys and games.

gotta hate it.

2011-07-25T09:46:00.001-07:00

maybe your ex was right,maybe i am not patient enough,

maybe i depend on you to keep me company too much,

maybe i need you too much.

even maybe,i wouldnt survive.

love.

2011-07-07T01:07:00.000-07:00

as i find myself saying it out loud ;

d :i am having a difficult time with him

f : he is not the easiest person

yes indeed.

but this morning with the beep of my phone

i know that it will be worth the fight.

2011-05-16T08:00:00.000-07:00

what do you know about being lonely

most of the time

you are with your friends

i have nothing

most of the time

i dont even have you.

2011-04-25T09:58:00.000-07:00

i hate that i cant talk to you till the wee hours

and that i cannot force you downstairs to eat ice-cream.

or make you walk all the way with me to macdonalds because i feel like eating cheeseburger.

i dont hate that you started your internship

i just hate the very fact that it means that you are growing up

and that eventually,you wouldnt have very much time left for me.

2011-03-04T20:47:00.000-08:00

its like i dont know,

does he think of me,is he hooking up with some random chick.he is not wearing my ring.why?

he says that he is not counting the days.he doesnt know the days and the date.

i hate this feeling.now i am contemplating whether i should get him from the airport or not.

:P

2010-11-30T08:24:00.000-08:00

the world has been kind to me.i got an internship with a local company.

i have a family that is basically supporting me financially without no bickering of what sort.

i have friends that still care.at least some of them still do

just got back from an awesome trip to kl with my boyfriend and my friends

and i have a boyfriend.i have a boyfriend.

i love him.

he makes me smile.

its enough.

2010-11-15T10:59:00.001-08:00

so i have abandon this little page of mine for greener pastures . but since i an here , i shall

so guessy guessy. all the times that i thought haikal was being nice to me, he was actually kinda in love with me. after a zillion years.he told me and now we are attached!

actually we just came back from our little trip to kl with the others. It was a hell of a trip not only because i got to spend all 3 nights sleeping next to him but also the company i had.

stolen kisses, secret stares. under the duvet action.

i love him you know.

2010-08-20T12:46:00.000-07:00

its like the whole jazil and lying trauma again.i dont like this guy ,but the very thought that he was leading me on and lying is tootally something different.

i am going to find out how this bloody works.

2010-07-05T10:09:00.001-07:00

i wish you could stay in my life forever.

like aways there.

but i let myself down by thinking things would actually happen.

attempt 1 at a birthday card.

2010-07-02T09:48:00.000-07:00

SURPRISE!

where do i even began to describe you as a person.

you POP in and POP out of my life ever so frequently that i have gotten around to fully analyse you.

but you always had your mysterious way of coming back to my life and make it a whole better.

2010-07-02T09:42:00.001-07:00

i hate the fact that you pop in and out from my life.

cause i want you as a constant.

but when you are around,

you make me ecstatic.

crazy happy that my friends realise.

i think its not what you do,

its just you

i love..

2010-06-28T14:01:00.001-07:00

i had plans with zabs tonight,

it was hard rock for us both.

i got reminded why i fell for him 8 years back

god forbid if it comes back

and is not returned.

leaning close just to speak into each others ears,

your hand on my back.

you doing my helmet.

you peeling me my prawn.

i miss hanging out with him

him

my red shoes

and the harley

i loved tonight.

all this time,

i think i miss him.

2010-06-15T12:19:00.000-07:00

gave my heart to quickly,

to a boy who could never be enough for me,

but i give it away.

whole heartedly

the thoughts and memories that i have when i see your picture

the fake smile that you broadcast ever so happily.

the lies.

the lies

and the hurt.

i miss you .

but everytime i think about your actions and the person you really are,

i am disgusted.

truly.

2010-06-11T08:55:00.000-07:00

i think i miss the idea of you.

not you.

at least not anymore.

2010-06-01T13:46:00.000-07:00

i was doing find not thinking of you.

thinking of you by myself.

without having the urge to discuss you to my friends.

cause i know they are getting sick of it.

i was fine.

until someone say they saw you.

i tried not caring.

i tried.

but today,

i swear i miss you even more.

2010-05-24T10:19:00.000-07:00

its a quarter after one,Im all alone and i need you now.

:( .

2010-05-24T03:22:00.003-07:00

internal conflict with myself.

if this cannot be stop,

i shall text you on thursday for tea.

i already plan what i am going to wear

pathetic much

2010-05-23T11:50:00.001-07:00

your parents are adopting a baby girl.

it will kill you when you see the baby girl .

cause you will remember your baby.

it will kill you..

2010-05-22T08:38:00.000-07:00

im sad cause i cant pick up the phone and just want to talk to you

i cant pick up the phone and just talk to you.

without feeling pathetic.

without feeling that i am at the loosing end of this.

i hate you for making me feel this way.

2010-05-22T07:37:00.000-07:00

i sedih cause you tak carik i lagik

i dah jadi perempuan yang you pernah kenal.

2010-05-18T11:15:00.001-07:00

jazil jazil,why cant i forget you.

2010-05-18T01:01:00.001-07:00

today is a good day! i can feel it.

2010-05-16T13:49:00.001-07:00

numb

2010-05-14T11:35:00.001-07:00

ive been obsessing about you.

ive been praying for you to call.

isnt it working?

2010-05-13T11:44:00.000-07:00

at the end of the day,i take comfort in knowing that i can bitch and whine to you.

and always knowing that you ll there to crack some lame ass joke that would make me laugh .

: ).

2010-05-13T01:41:00.000-07:00

so danial called me at 1 am yesterday

such a random surprise

i think he missed me.

and with in that few minute we were civil.

than we were not.

we use to fight a alot when we were together

when we missed each other.

how i use to call him and pick a fight just because

how we talk in 'awak' and 'saya'

and how i miss him.

i miss being in a relationship with md danial.

there i said it.

2010-05-10T09:02:00.001-07:00

the other day ghost hunting.

we were being followed by dogs.

i was standing behind you.

so close i could feel every part of your back on my.

2010-05-10T08:47:00.000-07:00

why did i have to meet you,when i cant have you?

2010-05-09T06:13:00.001-07:00

still hurting.

little by little, i guess it will go away.

2010-05-08T10:27:00.001-07:00

so do you bring me home.let me meet your siblings.

and than laugh with them when its over?

2010-05-06T12:33:00.001-07:00

i want a boyfriend so bad

you cannot begin to understand.

actually,i just want jazil.

im pathetic.

2010-05-05T10:18:00.001-07:00

for only you could reassure me and i would believe it.

imy

2010-05-02T20:37:00.001-07:00

ya allah,did you hear me last night?

2010-05-02T09:55:00.001-07:00

i want to be there,

but it will kill me.

2010-05-02T09:45:00.001-07:00

i cannot do this.

it hurts too much.

pain pain pain.

2010-05-01T13:51:00.000-07:00

today while watching my girl.

i cried.

i cried for you

i cried for your mistake.

i love you jazil,

i know i shouldnt.

i miss you.

its been 2 days.

2010-04-30T09:06:00.000-07:00

you asleep

an arms length away from my hand.

away from the heart left recovering

so vulnerable,asleep beside me

counting lights from the flat.

all awhile wanting to give a hug,

a kiss.

to make things better.

today i cry because of you.

2010-04-30T09:04:00.000-07:00

the hardest part about ending a relationship,

it seems, is making sure it ends. you have the discussion,

you agree its for the best, and then you end it.

then 3 days later you kind of wish you didn't.

you remind yourself why, your friends remind you why.

and then you agree you did the right thing.

2010-04-30T03:28:00.000-07:00

sadded cause i knew all along.

i trust my ex-boyfriend.

shocked and dissapointed.

2010-04-28T02:12:00.000-07:00

d: kau tau semalam aku masuk tagged jazil

d: kau ade tagged?

w: tak. kau masuk jazil yer account?

d: yea.dier kasih aku password dier.

w:huh? korang dah mcm matair seh

d: eh?

w:it shows that he got nothing to hide from you.

2010-04-28T02:10:00.000-07:00

i think its quite clear you dont want me.

or need me

but only time will tell,.

i like you alotttttttttt!

late night delivering with you was fun.

im sure you loved the kiss on the neck.

2010-04-26T02:26:00.001-07:00

after so long of not meeting,

we met.

oh how ive missed you

things were awkward in the beginning.

things always are.

so many times in the car,

i wanted to reach my hand to you

lay down my head on your shoulder.

give you a kiss.

call you love.

so many times.

i stop myself.

i dont want to force it.

i want you to feel it too.

i want you to want it too

you asked how you ever find your self a girl

i wanted to say" she is right here sitting next to you"

you remember your ex adillah

"why must you remember the past when this faadhilah wants a future'

so manny times i held my time.

trying to not to let delude myself with you loving me.

you told me that you have so many girls numbers,

and that you dont know where to start

and that you are just tired.

you didnt know that everytime i pray.

i pray for you to love me

to miss me

to want me.

the reason is just that.

that hugged i gave you

was filled with meaning

the kiss on your neck

was to let you know that i am still in.

are you?

2010-04-23T21:50:00.001-07:00

not.thinking.of.you

not wassting time.

2010-04-20T09:12:00.001-07:00

because i fear its not gonna happen.

now.

2010-04-19T01:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I saw the sun shinin',
And the leaves were fallin' down softly,
My cold hands needed a warm, warm touch,
And I was thinkin' about you.

ive been thinkin bout you.

2010-04-18T12:07:00.000-07:00

Are you lonesome tonight,
Do you miss me tonight?
Are you sorry we drifted apart?
Does your memory stray to a brighter sunny day
When I kissed you and called you sweetheart?

i hope you give me another chance.

cause i was happy once.

i kinda of love you.

2010-04-17T01:29:00.000-07:00

in case you fail to notice,in case you fail to see,

this is my heart bleeding before you.

this gets me down on my knees.

2010-04-14T00:17:00.000-07:00

i dreamt of you again.

this time we were having a world of a time on the phone.

your voice was different.

we were talking

and you said that you will take care of you

you said just that

enough for me

to skip school because i wanted all to be real.

i want to be taken care off.

by you,

jazil zakaria.

2010-04-11T09:50:00.000-07:00

IMY,JAZIL ZAKARIA.

like fuck.

2010-04-09T20:33:00.000-07:00

never hope,

cause you know you will be let down.

2010-04-04T01:14:00.000-07:00

i miss you jazil zakaria.

i know i am not suppose to.

:(

2010-04-02T01:42:00.001-07:00

i know its not going anywhere.

but i cant help myself.

i want you.

2010-03-28T10:00:00.000-07:00

was god listening to me when i said that i wanted

you to miss me

to love me

to want me back?

i hope so.

i missed you.

2010-03-28T01:10:00.000-07:00

its been 4 days since i last heard from you

the last i hear you took a tone with me cause i asked if you were sick.

you were coughing.

you went to the hospital.

i was genuinely worried for you.

you took a tone with me.

i regret wanting to give you some fussing.

you dont deserve it.

i still think of you.

late night,.

hoping that one of these days i will be able to see you again

be it just as friends.

i look out the window sometimes wanting to see your van parked there.

wanting you to criticize about how i walk.

about how my legs are structured in a manner that its weird.

wanting you to give me a hug that i could just melt into.

i miss that the most.

i realize that there are many vans like yours

but none that i peered had your face to it.

none had the mess that you always had in yours.

yesterday in my prayer i asked god to make you miss me.

to make you love me

to make you want me

cause for that short period of time that we were together.

i felt important.

felt needed.

felt like i could conquer anything.

i was happy.

but i feel to deep

i wanted things to progress

i wanted you.

but now that its too late.

i think of reasons for me to act upon.

i could find one.

the only reason was that

i was craving for attention

anyones attention

attention that you didnt give to me.

you said that i was sad.

you are sad.

cause you will never be satisfied

cause you will never change into a better person

cause you are jazil zakaria.

everything like the person you describe others to be.

love and leave him.

2010-03-26T04:40:00.001-07:00

" jazil tak sayang aku lagik"

dumb him and move along now.

nothing to be sad about.

2010-03-21T04:45:00.000-07:00

gets a tiring to be the one
constantly making the effort,
when others don't seem keen
to play their part.

it takes two hands to clap.

and soon enough,
that person is just going
to stop trying
and stop caring anymore.

- q akashah

jangan disimpan tiada rahsia

2010-03-18T05:30:00.001-07:00

Kan ku berikan semua

agar ku gembira sentiasa.

2010-03-15T11:16:00.000-07:00

never once did it come across my mind that you are just a fling.

i am not that girl that uses guys just because she can.

i like you a lot.

i want us to be together but i would want alot from you.

and i know some this things we cannot control.

i dont want to be selfish.

but at the same time,i do.

i like you alot.

i just need you to feel the same way too.

just to let me know.

the other question was along the lines of what i see in him

you could make me a very happy person.

that was all i could thing about.

i think he was feeling abit moody.

i will text him something nice later.

i sayang you.

2010-03-14T16:40:00.001-07:00

i didnt sleep today.

i feel dizzy

i love jazil.

even if is a pain .

most of the time.

2010-03-14T06:25:00.001-07:00

he loves me part 2.

2010-03-13T02:23:00.000-08:00

for once,i wish you cared for what i wanted.

enough.

2010-03-09T23:26:00.000-08:00

oh no oh no.

should i be worried that he doesnt let me search him phone and that he keeps it by his side always and always?

2010-03-09T09:32:00.000-08:00

he loves me.i can tell.

2009-12-02T08:42:00.001-08:00

i have been having this wierd some what exciting but wierd the top never going to happen dreams.

but they never fail to make me want to try to go back to sleep just to see how it unfolds.

:) like so exciting.

2009-11-26T05:35:00.000-08:00

my family members have this very wierd habit
they walk into my room and look at my things.
pick up a random thing
and leave.

my dad just took athiq's baby wipes.

like supper annoying.

my dad keep re-arranging the furniture.
one of this days,i will come home and walk into a darn furniture.
i think he's bored.

y o u .

2009-11-20T01:22:00.000-08:00

do you like me?do you like me?
tell me if you do,
cause if you like me,
i am quite certain i will like you too.

2009-11-17T23:14:00.000-08:00

we know what is happening
but i refuse to do anything,
cause i cant be the one
to make things run along
every darn time.

problems are so difficult for me to take it.
i hope after this mess
we can move along.

to ge t he rrrr.

2009-11-14T10:21:00.000-08:00

Weddings,

really makes me want to find someone special.

2009-11-09T21:52:00.000-08:00

i have been getting this wierd thoughts about random people.
even i find it wierd and random.

i need to do something.
but the question is " how?"

haiya.its so complex.

i cant stop.

2009-11-06T20:36:00.000-08:00

so we had this impromtu meet up session with the others.
which was the perfect ending to yet other stressful school semester.

all of us got really wierd after a certain timing.

like how

fyruz got really -.- and start laughing at really non funny stuff.
yana got stoned after nuggets.
ad , me were having this help-me-i-cant-stop-laughing-fit.

best or what.

2009-11-05T07:02:00.000-08:00

school will be done with tml . i hope my assesment will be smooth one.

i am super excited about post assesment,i heard the girls are planning up a storm.

:)

2009-10-23T12:12:00.000-07:00

i will be back november 13 if i am not busy partaying.

heh heh.

bye.

2009-10-16T10:26:00.001-07:00

the things i find myself doing and saying.

really amazes me.

2009-10-14T08:54:00.000-07:00

i have my weekends planned out.i am looking forward to a de-stress.

hello friday!

2009-10-11T05:59:00.000-07:00

i want to go to hongkong so bad that wil leave my sister in singapore and meet my brother there.

serious shit.

help you help me.

2009-10-09T10:54:00.000-07:00

it is high time you got a reality check
and of course your lacking moral values
maybe it is also time for you to realise that the world revolves everyone and not you alone.

and just maybe,you realise is time to grow up a little.

we dont have to agree ,to be friends.

in you i trust.

2009-10-05T06:53:00.000-07:00

all this time,i felt that i only had a few friends that would actually care if my world sucked,
last night,i realise that i still have a few friends,
but just a friend is enough
to brighten
a gloomy night ,

i appreciate you for doing just that,
making me feel as though you and i were fighting the world,
together.

:)

cold cold world.

2009-10-04T03:19:00.000-07:00

Fussin' and fightin', we back at it again

I know that, it's my fault, but you don't understand

I got memories, this is crazy.

back from raye-ing.

i stink.

2009-09-29T10:01:00.000-07:00

it has been humid at night and really windy in the morning.
the weather is bizzare.

done with patterns,
may try to find in the introduction to my research

hello 4000 word essay.

2009-09-27T10:59:00.000-07:00

i have been hearing stories about married life these days.i blame the extensive amount of time i hang out with the makciks ,it being hari raya and all.about how a wife could be so blinded by lies that the niece's feed to her about his husband.about how the wife pinnes for the husband ,now that she knows he getting married.how couples get married with nothing in their accounts.

you see,that was the olden days where money was a small issue.now everything is about money.i was just telling fy and kel my desire for a rich boyfriend.(haha) you cant get married when you have no money.cause you only get married once and you want to remember the good things bout it ,not how your guest had to stand up to eat cause you didnt have enough money to get darn chairs.

and about how a couple buy furnitures for the house one by one.about how the things in the house are all from the money they scrambled to save when they got married to each other.and how every decision was made by both of them and how important it was back than.how they when on their honey moon and came back to an empty house and a maxed out credit card.

such as sacrifices you make when you get married.

with all that said,i salute these people.

2009-09-25T05:59:00.001-07:00

we have been threading on dangerous waters these days.
i hope you dont mind.

i am happy.

2009-09-24T07:11:00.001-07:00

its just a matter of time before i fall sick.
i am just controlling it,not wanting it to get to me.

2009-09-21T18:37:00.001-07:00

so i am awake frantically trying to get my work together so that the lecturer does not burst into tears when she reads my report,but find it so hard cause my brain refuses to do anything cause it knows that i wouldnt make submission.

so whatever eh kan?

roar.so pissed off at myself.

NURFAADHILAH YOU ARE A SILLY SILLY SILLY GIRL!

2009-09-17T00:28:00.001-07:00

i have been really lazy these days, procrastinating.tones of work to do.Hari raya's around the corner.i really dont feel like celebrating hari raya.i am so busy that i am dreading hari raya day itself cause i know no sooner submitions gonna come and i will be busy again.

:(

on a much brighter note,i have been thinking if i should tell you.
yes no maybe?
i dont know,can you repeat the question?

:) dopey.

2009-09-16T09:58:00.000-07:00

impromtu meet up was good.many many old (but so long never see ) faces .
just laughing about everything.really makes me wonder why we never do this more often.
had mr prata than ice-cream.talked to 4.
slept for 1 hour,woke up and got dressed for KL.
AGAIN.

all is good.i am back with new shoes baby!

2009-09-09T21:03:00.001-07:00

going to work later! hopefull meeting the rest too.
want to drink bubble tea.

2009-09-09T09:25:00.000-07:00

i am no longer that girl .

so start crashing and burning .

: )

cant wait for the short get away.
times like this,i really want to pack my bag and migrate.

2009-08-29T09:59:00.000-07:00

i am tired of all this.

i am sad

stressed

and i want to disappear.

i will be back when i am happy.

dont hold your breathe!

sabsuka.

2009-08-29T01:32:00.000-07:00

quarrelling like an old couple is the term they use.

when will it ever change?

not too sure bout that.

do you?

i want to ask my mommy to make subsuka when you girls come to buke

can or not?

2009-08-27T07:36:00.000-07:00

some people just totally lose their selfs when they have current squeeze.

some people dont realise they ditch their only true friend for other

that wil never add up to.

some people are just plain dumb not to realise

that they are doing it .

like you right?

i am sure.

:) good day!

2009-08-21T08:27:00.000-07:00

dont stop dont stop dont stop dont stop
dont ever stop.
please?

happy fasting girls and boys.

2009-08-19T00:07:00.000-07:00

this few days has been good.

i have had great company all this while

i dont want it to stop.

god ,please.

and to think that lynn krishnan is coming home like anytime soon!!

i could just faint.

boyphren.

2009-08-16T09:42:00.000-07:00

i am that person who tells my girlfriends that fighting with your partner is nothing more than just something you have to go through.that eventually ,either one of you will have the sinking feeling to say sorry ,than then all is good again. right?

but right,

i have been hearing about friends of friends,shouting and screaming in public ,fighting with their partners, hitting, the name calling,the absence in your phonecall list.i am just really curious to find out if it is worth all that.

is it worth the sleepless nights worrying if he alive or dead cause he didnt bother to pick up the darn phone or give you a text.
is it worth fighting with your friends cause they dont see you anymore.
is it worth ,not studying for exams cause your bf was sick,and you had to coo him to bed.

really,i am curious but find myself trying to convince myself that it is all worth it.
secretly afraid that if i dont ,i know i will never find myself a boyfriend.

:(

leather and jeans.

2009-08-14T07:15:00.000-07:00

the lady gaga concert was super fun lahhhh.( dear cousin, kan wasted that beli ticket)
anways,it was at fort Canning
started off with dj inquisitive spinning.that was like so fun cause we were like so hyper
( other than my old fart sister who was trying to convince me that she was just trying to conserve energy for lady gaga).
dance dance dance.
sekali this group of idiots infront of us.
pull out a mat on the ground lah.so i though okay lah.maybe they tired.sit down first since lady gaga getting ready. this part i very angry already.

GETTING DARK ALREADY.LADY GAGA STILL INSIDE THE CHANGING ROOM ,CHANGE SO LONG.( COME OUT LIKE NOT WEARING ANYTHING LIKE THAT ,BUT TAKE SO LONG TO CHANGE).STILL WITH THE MAT LAH SEH. CAN PUT THE BAGS INFRONT OF THEM .PEOPLE WANT TO WATCH CONCERT ,THEY THINK THEY HAVING PICNIC. LIKE THAT NOT ENOUGH,CAN CALL THEIR FAT FRIENDS TO COME JOIN THEM ; A GIRL WHO LOOKED PREGNANT AND ONE ELEPHANT GAY BOY STANDING INFRONT OF MY SISTER.YOU THINK FUN FAIR UH,CAN CHOP CHOP PLACE.I WANTED TO CHOP OF THEIR HEADS LAHHH.( so irritated already,place so small,put mat,i want to dance also cannot)

than i came up with very good idea.take the fan dance like tai-tai ,with the fan in one hand,purposely whack her head ,her hands.(everywhere i can whack ,i whack).than she stared at the back of my head.( i could see her from the corner of my eyes)hahaha.

my sister also one more.she go and shout " I AM SO IRRITATED, THEIR MAT PAY 95 DOLLARS TO WATCH LADY GAGA!" than she also follow me whack whack the girl with the fan.

padan muka kau.

after that i was too busy dancing and taking pictures that i forgot about her.(thank god)

and did i tell you it was like so hot,so excuse the sweaty pictures of my on facebook : ) .

2009-08-12T10:47:00.000-07:00

"its just a silly song,

about how i lost you and your brown eyes."

QUAK QUAK.

2009-08-11T21:32:00.000-07:00

just got home from the first major submmission
not so major ,since it is only 5 %
but we were required to do so many things.
i am nearly broke from all the printing.
:(.silly bugger.
i haven been sleeping thanks to this silly bugger too.

I SAW NAD TODAY.I WAS LIKE SO HAPPY SINCE IN MISSED THE GROUP MEETING BECAUSE OF MY LOVE TOWARDS MY BROTHER AND OF COURSE MY NOT-SO-DEEP LOVE TOWARDS SCHOOL WORK.

(we went to dempsey hill.it so sexy i tell you)

need to sleep now so that i got energy for later.(not gonna tell you what happens later)
just watch out for pictures!!

RINDU OR WHAT.

2009-08-11T09:17:00.000-07:00

i am so paranoid.